Way to the eternal Kindgom

God says
"Are you willing?"

(without a thought) Yes!!! What will it cost me?

"Your life."

Lillie Bear

Deanna's new baby chihuahua. I love her a lot. Deanna is at school right now so Lillie is with me. +) I love taking care of her and playing with her. She kinda acts like a human baby. It's cute!

New season

Things are always changing. His love never does. I feel different every day. Whether it's good or bad, feelings are so fickle. I didn't think I was growing up but I now think differently. I know I belong to Jesus. I know that I cant find truth in anything besides him. Still cautious of the enemies lies, schemes, and tricks. Thankfully my Father is King and has power over everything. He is my helper and protector. My only source and shield.

Work has been interesting as usually. I feel the Spirit of God moving on certain people and it's awesome. I also feel the attack of the enemy and temptations of this world. But I realized how God's hand on everything going around me lately and He really is a Faithful Father. If only the girls at work knew his closeness towards them all.

I met A Prophetic Messianic Jew that came in awhile ago one night. he is truely blessed by God. He taught me a few things that I needed to hear and of course God had it already planned out, which is obvious now but at the time I was very careful because I didn't know the guy but as the conversation went on I felt peace with the Holy Spirit. The man prayed for me and I was thinking about him tonight when I was in prayer. It's awesome how God uses people to communicate his messages. But there's nothing like hearing things from God yourself. When Jesus speaks to me, I feel like I'm in truth in everything. I love his voice. His voice makes me happy. Even if he tells me something I prefer to pretend not to hear, I just love having him near me. I love feeling him but when I can't feel him it's always good to hear him because it assures me he is near. I just want to love him more. I think my love for God is so small but he always shows me his love in some way. I know he smiles at me...I just know he does...then i ask myself "but why?" I see my imperfections, mistakes, flaws and all, all the time and always think he should just be angry at me and not talk to me anymore. What a load of dung!

I don't want to let go of him. Jesus is really all that I have anymore. I feel like this world is nothing to me. I do love life a lot and I enjoy all these different people around me but my goodness! Nothing is worth it here on earth. A lot of things people do is like a filler to waste time. And of course I notice what I do too obviously. Why else am I typing my thoughts on here. I truely don't want to waste time. I just want to stop doing that. I'm seeing time being wasted day by day and now I'm wanting to see more of the power in Christ NOW. How? When? I've seen some but I know there's more and I believe it's soon, but I also believe it's going to come in a way I least expect.

One thing that's been keeping my mind busy is a desire to get married someday and find an amazing man of God but I want to loose all focus on my desires and go after the desires of the heart of God. I want to stop thinking about things I have no control over and allow my trust and faith in God grow more. I never thought I'd hate feeling selfish but I do really hate having selfishness. I just want to die to myself. Go beyond myself and go deeper into God.

My mom thinks I'm just going a little slower in life than my brother and sister. My dad thinks I'm going to be a nothing. It makes me sad to know that sometimes but the way to God and the thoughts he has been revealing to me makes me feel successful in life. Sometimes it's rough but it's been worth the ride. God is really good and wonderful. He has great kindness and holds back a lot of his anger and judgments on the people of this world. I can't describe his mercy but he has definitely showed me a lot of it and I know I'm blessed because of his forgiveness and mercy on me.

I really enjoy being at Rock of Refuge. I love everybody there and God's used Pastor Andrew, Karen, Linda a lot to help me. I'm very very very thankful for them and the way they all allow God to use them. I only hope to pass on what God has been doing through them to the younger ones that are about to come, that are living in bondage and have broken lives.

This generation is so broken and messed up!

I need to weep really loud. I hate seeing and feeling these messy things in the world but it's a miracle to see God remove things and restore it and heal. What God did through me, I know anything is possible for him to change and heal.

All I really desire is to be with him. No one will understand what I mean if they don't have a relationship with God but those that do probably desire the same thing that I do. They want to go after God even more than they did yesterday. Hard times or good, no lover or Son/Daughter for Christ can stop seeking him until they are with him. There life story isn't about them but the author and the life giver.

LOVE WILL SET PEOPLE FREE.
GOD IS LOVE.

Growth

1 John 4:7
Beloved, let us love one another, because love is from God; everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.

To7day

my mom isn't feeling so good today. she caught a cold and i feel really bad i wish i could do more to help her. i get sad when someone in the house is sick.

today i got called into work early. i woke up this morning and looked at my phone because i felt like someone called me. i looked at my cell and no one did. not even 5 seconds after i put the phone dowe my phone was ringing. it was a number i didn't know so i let it go to voicemail. i checked it as soon as the message was left and it was my mananager Jen. she asked me to come in at 11:30. i was excited because i never got a chance to work with the morning girls but kinda sad that i couldn't hang out with heather, jaci, amanada and banana for lunch. but they ate at Sunrise and i got to wait on their table. i love them a lot.

everyone that i work with, i love. my boss Ali and Johny are nice. they are muslim. muslims believe Jesus is just a prophet of God. i know Jesus is Prophet, Priest and King. The son of God. it's interesting to talk to everyone at work. there's one buddist man Deanna and I were sharing our testimony too. I always forget the buddist man's name but he is really nice. In truth, buddha said he was trying to find the way. Jesus said he is the way.

there were two guys i waited on one day. i think they were studying spiritualism. they were studying on a higher power. i had to say how much i loved the Holy Spirit and i told them i ask the Holy Spirit all the time for help. they looked happy and continued to study and ate.

God has been speaking a lot more to me. I always feel happy and safe when he does. Thursday I went through a deliverence session at church and it was intense. my body was sore for a couple of days but God had it picked for that night for a purpose. I love Jesus so much.

Pastor Andrew is an anointed man of God. I love him so much. Him and Karen (she's prophetic and anointed woman of God. I love so much) have helped me so much and i know it's only because God is inside them. I'm very blessed to have them in my life and I now God's hand was in everything that has happened these couple past years. Truely when someone lets God take control of their lives things change dramatically. God puts things in place and does things the way that needs to be done. Life is a lot harder going outside the Will of God.

my mom is making me and deanna have a b-day party on the 12th, saturday. i took off of work and i'm happy about having it. sometimes i don't feel that special to have a b-day party and feel too old but i know that's a lie. i really can't wait to see my family from chicago and have my church family come over.

if i ever own a house someday, i hope i get a wooded backyard with a big rock to pray on hidden by a lot of trees.

i hate demons.
i love God's angels.

time for bed. nite nite <3

What are you missing?

Will you find it through pain?
Will you find it through lies?
Will you find it through drugs?
Will you find it through alcohol?
Will you find it in a girlfriend?
Will you find it in a boyfriend?
Will you find it through food?
Will you find it through music?
Will you find it through work?
Will you find it through school?
Will you find it through family?
Will you find it through friends?
Will you find it through sports?
Will you find it through television?
Will you find it through recognition?
Will you find it through hidding?

What are you really looking for?
Go somewhere in public and watch. Everybody. It's like everyone is trying to find, to gain, what is missing in their lives.

What I thought I wanted wasn't really what I thought it was. What I tried to fill in my life wasn't fulfilling at all. I wanted something deeper yet nothing was getting that deep. What was missing in my life was God. Everything else is substitute, not close to reality. Life isn't life without the spirit of God, without a real relationship with Jesus. Jesus is all that a any man or woman needs. It's not just words, It's not just a belief, IT'S THE TRUTH.

Three years ago I wouldn't be caught dead saying that I loved Jesus. Now I say it confidently because I know he is with me right now and loves me more than my love, double, triple, a million times more. It really is a lot more. God's love is POWERFUL. His love is strong yet gentle. His love is real and more fullfilling. His love is what I was looking for for a very long time. It healed, it broke through, and it is setting me free. All I want is him and he makes me feel like I'm the only one he wants too.

God is grabbing a hold of a lot of men and womens' hearts. He's crying out for them. He wants only that one that makes up ONE. Nothing is going to Stop Jesus.

Holy Father, Spiritual Father, Earthly Father

well i just got my father's day card for my two special dads. my daddy and pastor andrew. i made sure i took my time doing pastor andrews card because he means a lot to me and i love him a lot. when i went to do my dad's card i was more laid back on it. as i started writing down my thoughts to my earthly dad i started to realize how much i loved him and how much he means to me and how much i need him. i couldn't stop crying. i realized i held onto so much bitterness towards him for so long (tried to do things on my own and ignore him) and it literally was crushing my heart. i love him so much and i know he did the best he could as a dad even though i was mad and angry at him for things he did. he did a great job, wasn't perfect, but i just realize today that he is perfect to me. i really miss him...he's fixing the backyard right now but i feel far from him and i want to be close to him again.

There's no greater Father like my God. I thank Jesus for showing me the Father's heart more and more each day and bringing healing to all hearts lost of a parent.

I LOVE YOU

Child Of God

My dear children, I am writing this to you so that you will not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate who pleads our case before the Father. He is Jesus Christ, the one who is truly righteous. He himself is the sacrifice that atones for our sins—and not only our sins but the sins of all the world. ~1 John :1-2(NLT)


Calling out of sin and into true repentance.
False repentance is usually caused by fear or an attempt to escape trouble or danger, and not of faith.
The heart and soul remain in the original state.
There is a falling back to sin

True repentance is by faith and the changing of one's heart and mind,
giving it to the hands of God.
In truth there is a deep inner turning with sorrow and distress from sin and ungodliness to God and His righteousness.



*what I learned today. It was brought to my attention for a good reason, of course, and from a good Father*

Thank you Jesus, I love you.

yup

He who ignores discpline despises himself,
but whoever heeds correction gains understanding.
-Proverbs 15:32

UPDATE
My pastor next door told me to date a man, not a little boy. I understand what he means now. I feel angry at Tyler but I'm trying very hard not to egg his car. (I say this with some humor and hurt.)

I'm really loving the ladies at work. Getting to know them and their stories really makes me love them more. Few of the girls are Ciara, Lidia, Patty, Heather, Kayla, both Emilys, and most of all Karen. Karen I love a lot. She's so awesome and I have a big heart for her. She is lesbian and is taking care of her daughter, sisters, and mother all by herself. I've been really drawn to her a lot. She is different but I feel and know God is tryn to tell me something about her. A lot of the girls there are younger than me and have a child. They are tough girls, most seem to have rough lives. I saw the number 601 three times in a row last night at work and usually I only see it once but I realized that I saw that number three times in a row for a reason. I think it's a warning. I got hit hard last night. A lot of it was from past stuff. The enemy is hitting hard, and I'm trying soo hard to stand firm but I can't do anything without God.

I want to be with Jesus right now. Everything is for a reason, I'm sure. That time will come some day. But I am thankfully Jesus is helping me understand things more and putting me in men and womens' lives. Getting hurt is part of life on this earth but it's awesome how from that hurt, going to God makes my relationship with him become more intimate and feel closer through those hurts. Good stuff from a good God. All knowing, all present, all powerful...that's my Father. I love him. He is nice to me.

I'm thirsty and I HATE SATAN.

Now I got to get ready to have lunch with two beautiful women of God. Jackie and Heather!! +) Woot! I GOOOO!!!!!! ZOOOOoooOOOoooM!

This morning

I woke up to this scripture
John 4:37-38
-You know the saying, 'One person plants and someone else harvests.' And it's true, I sent you to harvest where you didn't plant; others had already done the work, and you will gather the harvest.

*This stuck out to me a lot this morning*

Working as a waitress is good. I love waitressing. I love the people I work with too. They make me laugh a lot and are all really nice. What makes my job even more a blessing is when my church family come and eat. It always brightens my day to see them...Heather, Dana, Cindy, Amiga, Karen-katie, Louis, Tim, Josh, Tyler, etc...Happy!

Today Tyler, Deanna, Brandon and I are going to play some tennis. I'm excited, so I'm going to get ready for the big match.

My daddy and I

This was taken about three yrs ago. It was the beginning of my walk with my real Father, with my daddy.

God's Message To Women

When I created the heavens and the earth,

I spoke them into being.

When I created man,

I formed him and breathed life into his nostrils.

But you , woman, I fashioned.

After I breathed the breath of life into man,

Because your nostrils are to delicate.

I allowed a deep sleep to come over him,

So I could patiently and perfectly fashion you.

Man was put to sleep

So that he could not interfere with the creativity.

From one bone I fashioned you.

I chose the bone that protects man's life.

I chose the rib, which protects his heart and lungs.

And supports him, as you were meant to do.

Around this one bone I shaped you.

I modeled you.

I created you perfectly and beautifully.

Your characteristics are as the rib,

Strong yet delicate and fragile.

You provide protection for the most delicate organ in man,

His heart.

His heart is the center of his being;

His lungs hold the breath of life.

The rib cage will allow itself to be broken.

Before it will allow damage to the heart.

Support man as the rib cage supports the body.

You were not taken from his feet, to be under him,

Nor were you taken from his head, to be above him.

You were taken from his side,

To stand beside him and be held close to his side.

You are my perfect angel, my beautiful little girl.

You have grown to be a splendid woman of excellence,

And my eyes fill when I see the virtues in your heart.

Your eyes are beautiful,

Your lips, how lovely when they part in prayer.

Your nose, so perfect in form,

Your hands so gentle to touch.

I've caressed your face in your deepest sleep,

I've held your heart close to mine.

Of all that lives and breathes, you are the most like me.

Adam walked with me in the cool of the day,

Yet he was lonely.

He could not see me or touch me.

He could only feel me.

So everything I wanted Adam to share and experience with me,

I have fashioned in you:

My holiness, my strength, my purity, my love,

My protection and support.

You are special because you are the extension of me.

Man represents my image - Woman, my emotions.

Together, you represent the totality of God.

So man, treat woman well.

Love her, respect her, for she is fragile.

In hurting her, you hurt me.

What you do to her, you do to me.

In hurting her, you only damage your own heart,

The heart of your Father and the heart of her Father.

Woman, support man.

In humility, show him the power of emotion I have given you.

In gentle quietness show your strength.

In love, show him that you are the rib,

That protects his inner self.

Did you know that woman was so special in God's eyes?

~Author Unknown~

731

You will make it

Update

So here it goes...

I HATE SATAN! I hate his little friends, fallen angels and most of all demons. I HATE THEM! I want to smother them with the blood of the lamb. Grrr I hate their lies, deceptions, and there attempt to destroy things. GAAAH!!!!! I HATE THEM!

Besides my hatred towards Satan(<---I HATE), things are good. Jesus is faithful and strongest warrior. I feel like giving up sometimes but he fights for me. I love my God, my Father. He is so good to me and I want to be good to him too. I hate when I mess up though. My front neighbor is a pastor and was talking to me and Deanna the other day. He spoke things I needed to hear. Kinda funny cool how I have a pastor front door and a beautiful Muslim family two doors down. My neighbor was planting some flowers and asked me to help. He made the holes and I had to put the flowers in. They were little flowers but so pretty. I was happy there was some left over that he gave me to keep. +) I love love love flowers!

Last night I went with Deanna to Brandon's softball game. It was fun to watch but guys are soo rough. Thank God I wasn't born a male cuz I'd be afraid to be around tough and rough guys all the time. Eik! I'd cry every two minutes. Brandon's team didn't win this time, which was a bummer but Brandon is definetly a lily among thorns. He's so encouraging to the whole group. I love my brother!

Speaking of which, my daddy and I have been getting along lately. +) That makes me soo happy! I love my daddy especially when he is nice to me! When he is mean he is mean but he has been really cool lately. I love when he laughs at my jokes...it makes me feel special, like I'm really funny or something. I hope he gets saved soon...and my mama and my brother...

I just got a job yesterday at Sunrise Restuarant, as a waitress, by my old Job AMR. I go into training today, tomorrow and Thursday. I'm excited! I have a big heart for the girls already there. They are so beautiful and precious. Their lives seem very rough though, so I'm glad I can be apart of their lives hopefully if it is God's will. My mom isn't excited that I'm working there cuz she wants me to get a desk job. I still work front desk at AMR as backup now though so I guess my mom is alright with it but she is trying hard to get me into a clinic full time. I'm not digging it, but I know she wants the best for me...but still...I'm not digging it...

Deanna and I bought these King David Matzos, Kosher for Passover stuff from Woodmans. It was on sale and it is so cool! I didn't eat it but the box and the crackers are pretty cool to look at.



This is so cute! I had to put it up.

Well Deanna (the good trainer) is trying to teach my dalmatian which is my room and which is her room. Looks interesting how she is holding a banana and Ronald (my dog) seems very confused. I think I'm going to bug her now.

137

And it shall come to pass in that day, I will hear, saith the LORD, I will hear the heavens, and they shall hear the earth -Hosea 2:21

Banana time!

I LOVE...

BANANA TIME!

Words of God

I am God
and
You are my son
Today I have become your father
Ask of me, and I will give the nations for your inheritance
the uttermost parts of the earth for your possession
You shall break them with a rod of iron
You shall dash them in pieces like a potter’s vessel
As I am the Vessel
I am the Potter
And mine is the Rod of Iron

I answer when you call
I give you relief from your distress
I have mercy on you, and hear your prayer
You sons of men, how long shall my glory be turned into dishonour?
Will you love vanity, and seek after falsehood?


Stand in awe, and don’t sin
Search your own heart on your bed, and be still
Offer the sacrifices of righteousness
Put your trust in Me

The light of My Face will shine on you
I will put gladness in your heart
In peace you will both lay yourself down and sleep
for I alone will make you live in safety

Because I am your shepherd
You shall lack nothing
I'll make you lie down in green pastures
I'll lead you beside still waters
I'll restore your soul
I'll guide you in the paths of righteousness for mine name’s sake
Even though you walk through the valley of the shadow of death
You will fear no evil, for I am with you

Jesus Forsaken

Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.
-Psalm 9:10

I'm absolutely convinced that nothing--nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable--absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.
-Romans 8:38-39

Ching a Tang

Well after a long conversation with my good friend Heather, I've decided to stalk her and become a member of this interesting thing called blogspot.com. Reminds me of an old blog thingy I had before when I was a sad kid living in some dude's basement. But this time I have the spirit of the living God inside me and even though I get sad sometimes I know that the Lord is my way of light again and I can find a way out of the worlds tempt to make me miserable and dead. I thank Jesus for everything he has done but I'm even more thankful that he reveals his tender love to me ever so often. Sometimes I get so clingy I don't want to go on with life unless I can feel his heart or love for me but as time goes on and on I'm understanding that Jesus wants me to keep growing and not to stop. So I guess I can feel like a lovesick chick and thirsty and hungry all the time but I know there is a reason for everything.

Heather is becoming more of my big sister. The more I know her the more I love her. God has placed her so much on my heart lately and it feels good to be open with someone besides your twin sister (thank God I have Deanna in my life!) and feel like you just earned a new big sister that went through the same things as you. I love her and thankful that God has placed her so perfectly in my life. God's so nice to me, to all of us actually. Life without God is empty and dull and dark and I can say so much because I know it is. Jesus rescued me from so many things and I hope and pray that the blind, death, and dead will soon see him the way he has revealed himself to me and many others.

My biggest wish of all would be that all would walk in the truth and light of God.
My second wish would probably be to be with Jesus in heaven if I can right now.
My third wish would probably have to be a godly wife and mother someday.

Okay well Deanna (my twin sister) is coming home soon from work so I'm going to bug her now.
Thanks for reading my very random blog thing a ding.

God bless! +)