Way to the eternal Kindgom

God says
"Are you willing?"

(without a thought) Yes!!! What will it cost me?

"Your life."

Lillie Bear

Deanna's new baby chihuahua. I love her a lot. Deanna is at school right now so Lillie is with me. +) I love taking care of her and playing with her. She kinda acts like a human baby. It's cute!

New season

Things are always changing. His love never does. I feel different every day. Whether it's good or bad, feelings are so fickle. I didn't think I was growing up but I now think differently. I know I belong to Jesus. I know that I cant find truth in anything besides him. Still cautious of the enemies lies, schemes, and tricks. Thankfully my Father is King and has power over everything. He is my helper and protector. My only source and shield.

Work has been interesting as usually. I feel the Spirit of God moving on certain people and it's awesome. I also feel the attack of the enemy and temptations of this world. But I realized how God's hand on everything going around me lately and He really is a Faithful Father. If only the girls at work knew his closeness towards them all.

I met A Prophetic Messianic Jew that came in awhile ago one night. he is truely blessed by God. He taught me a few things that I needed to hear and of course God had it already planned out, which is obvious now but at the time I was very careful because I didn't know the guy but as the conversation went on I felt peace with the Holy Spirit. The man prayed for me and I was thinking about him tonight when I was in prayer. It's awesome how God uses people to communicate his messages. But there's nothing like hearing things from God yourself. When Jesus speaks to me, I feel like I'm in truth in everything. I love his voice. His voice makes me happy. Even if he tells me something I prefer to pretend not to hear, I just love having him near me. I love feeling him but when I can't feel him it's always good to hear him because it assures me he is near. I just want to love him more. I think my love for God is so small but he always shows me his love in some way. I know he smiles at me...I just know he does...then i ask myself "but why?" I see my imperfections, mistakes, flaws and all, all the time and always think he should just be angry at me and not talk to me anymore. What a load of dung!

I don't want to let go of him. Jesus is really all that I have anymore. I feel like this world is nothing to me. I do love life a lot and I enjoy all these different people around me but my goodness! Nothing is worth it here on earth. A lot of things people do is like a filler to waste time. And of course I notice what I do too obviously. Why else am I typing my thoughts on here. I truely don't want to waste time. I just want to stop doing that. I'm seeing time being wasted day by day and now I'm wanting to see more of the power in Christ NOW. How? When? I've seen some but I know there's more and I believe it's soon, but I also believe it's going to come in a way I least expect.

One thing that's been keeping my mind busy is a desire to get married someday and find an amazing man of God but I want to loose all focus on my desires and go after the desires of the heart of God. I want to stop thinking about things I have no control over and allow my trust and faith in God grow more. I never thought I'd hate feeling selfish but I do really hate having selfishness. I just want to die to myself. Go beyond myself and go deeper into God.

My mom thinks I'm just going a little slower in life than my brother and sister. My dad thinks I'm going to be a nothing. It makes me sad to know that sometimes but the way to God and the thoughts he has been revealing to me makes me feel successful in life. Sometimes it's rough but it's been worth the ride. God is really good and wonderful. He has great kindness and holds back a lot of his anger and judgments on the people of this world. I can't describe his mercy but he has definitely showed me a lot of it and I know I'm blessed because of his forgiveness and mercy on me.

I really enjoy being at Rock of Refuge. I love everybody there and God's used Pastor Andrew, Karen, Linda a lot to help me. I'm very very very thankful for them and the way they all allow God to use them. I only hope to pass on what God has been doing through them to the younger ones that are about to come, that are living in bondage and have broken lives.

This generation is so broken and messed up!

I need to weep really loud. I hate seeing and feeling these messy things in the world but it's a miracle to see God remove things and restore it and heal. What God did through me, I know anything is possible for him to change and heal.

All I really desire is to be with him. No one will understand what I mean if they don't have a relationship with God but those that do probably desire the same thing that I do. They want to go after God even more than they did yesterday. Hard times or good, no lover or Son/Daughter for Christ can stop seeking him until they are with him. There life story isn't about them but the author and the life giver.

LOVE WILL SET PEOPLE FREE.
GOD IS LOVE.

Growth

1 John 4:7
Beloved, let us love one another, because love is from God; everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.

To7day

my mom isn't feeling so good today. she caught a cold and i feel really bad i wish i could do more to help her. i get sad when someone in the house is sick.

today i got called into work early. i woke up this morning and looked at my phone because i felt like someone called me. i looked at my cell and no one did. not even 5 seconds after i put the phone dowe my phone was ringing. it was a number i didn't know so i let it go to voicemail. i checked it as soon as the message was left and it was my mananager Jen. she asked me to come in at 11:30. i was excited because i never got a chance to work with the morning girls but kinda sad that i couldn't hang out with heather, jaci, amanada and banana for lunch. but they ate at Sunrise and i got to wait on their table. i love them a lot.

everyone that i work with, i love. my boss Ali and Johny are nice. they are muslim. muslims believe Jesus is just a prophet of God. i know Jesus is Prophet, Priest and King. The son of God. it's interesting to talk to everyone at work. there's one buddist man Deanna and I were sharing our testimony too. I always forget the buddist man's name but he is really nice. In truth, buddha said he was trying to find the way. Jesus said he is the way.

there were two guys i waited on one day. i think they were studying spiritualism. they were studying on a higher power. i had to say how much i loved the Holy Spirit and i told them i ask the Holy Spirit all the time for help. they looked happy and continued to study and ate.

God has been speaking a lot more to me. I always feel happy and safe when he does. Thursday I went through a deliverence session at church and it was intense. my body was sore for a couple of days but God had it picked for that night for a purpose. I love Jesus so much.

Pastor Andrew is an anointed man of God. I love him so much. Him and Karen (she's prophetic and anointed woman of God. I love so much) have helped me so much and i know it's only because God is inside them. I'm very blessed to have them in my life and I now God's hand was in everything that has happened these couple past years. Truely when someone lets God take control of their lives things change dramatically. God puts things in place and does things the way that needs to be done. Life is a lot harder going outside the Will of God.

my mom is making me and deanna have a b-day party on the 12th, saturday. i took off of work and i'm happy about having it. sometimes i don't feel that special to have a b-day party and feel too old but i know that's a lie. i really can't wait to see my family from chicago and have my church family come over.

if i ever own a house someday, i hope i get a wooded backyard with a big rock to pray on hidden by a lot of trees.

i hate demons.
i love God's angels.

time for bed. nite nite <3

What are you missing?

Will you find it through pain?
Will you find it through lies?
Will you find it through drugs?
Will you find it through alcohol?
Will you find it in a girlfriend?
Will you find it in a boyfriend?
Will you find it through food?
Will you find it through music?
Will you find it through work?
Will you find it through school?
Will you find it through family?
Will you find it through friends?
Will you find it through sports?
Will you find it through television?
Will you find it through recognition?
Will you find it through hidding?

What are you really looking for?
Go somewhere in public and watch. Everybody. It's like everyone is trying to find, to gain, what is missing in their lives.

What I thought I wanted wasn't really what I thought it was. What I tried to fill in my life wasn't fulfilling at all. I wanted something deeper yet nothing was getting that deep. What was missing in my life was God. Everything else is substitute, not close to reality. Life isn't life without the spirit of God, without a real relationship with Jesus. Jesus is all that a any man or woman needs. It's not just words, It's not just a belief, IT'S THE TRUTH.

Three years ago I wouldn't be caught dead saying that I loved Jesus. Now I say it confidently because I know he is with me right now and loves me more than my love, double, triple, a million times more. It really is a lot more. God's love is POWERFUL. His love is strong yet gentle. His love is real and more fullfilling. His love is what I was looking for for a very long time. It healed, it broke through, and it is setting me free. All I want is him and he makes me feel like I'm the only one he wants too.

God is grabbing a hold of a lot of men and womens' hearts. He's crying out for them. He wants only that one that makes up ONE. Nothing is going to Stop Jesus.

Holy Father, Spiritual Father, Earthly Father

well i just got my father's day card for my two special dads. my daddy and pastor andrew. i made sure i took my time doing pastor andrews card because he means a lot to me and i love him a lot. when i went to do my dad's card i was more laid back on it. as i started writing down my thoughts to my earthly dad i started to realize how much i loved him and how much he means to me and how much i need him. i couldn't stop crying. i realized i held onto so much bitterness towards him for so long (tried to do things on my own and ignore him) and it literally was crushing my heart. i love him so much and i know he did the best he could as a dad even though i was mad and angry at him for things he did. he did a great job, wasn't perfect, but i just realize today that he is perfect to me. i really miss him...he's fixing the backyard right now but i feel far from him and i want to be close to him again.

There's no greater Father like my God. I thank Jesus for showing me the Father's heart more and more each day and bringing healing to all hearts lost of a parent.

I LOVE YOU